living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
