I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
