you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
