dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
