Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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