did you get engaged???
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
