I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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