Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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