You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
