I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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