some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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