He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
