Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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