My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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