He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
