I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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