Sponge bath it is.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
