I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
