It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
