You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize