I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
