my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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