He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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