Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
