i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
