Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(316): View more from Kansas

I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper

(785): View more from Kansas

He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session

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(770): View more from Georgia

We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.

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(909): View more from California

he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.

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