just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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