"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
