I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
