There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
