I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
