If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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