Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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