She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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