It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
