I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
