He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
