is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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