She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
