I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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