Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
