i think my tv is drunk
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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