I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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