I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
