i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
