Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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