Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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