This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
