I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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