the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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