He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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