Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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