He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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