I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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