Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
