you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
