So drunk its hurt
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
