Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We are all done wearing pants today
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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