Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
