if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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