the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
