his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
