All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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