We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
