dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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