ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
