You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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