ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
