That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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