you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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