Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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