I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
