I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
