Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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