I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
