What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
