this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
