he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
