Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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