The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
