I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
