I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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