Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
