Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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