dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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