hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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