Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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