i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
