im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
