You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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