dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
