phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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