Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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