I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize