cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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