I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
