I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
