No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
