How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
