Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
