My nipple is on Facebook.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
