ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
