I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
